we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
