i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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