i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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