that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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