How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
