I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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