You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
