I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
