dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
