just tell him i said nine months
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just had sex on a roof
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
