my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
