no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
