Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize