Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
