Life is so much better after having sex.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
