Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
