I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This can only be settled by a dance off.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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