I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
