I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
