last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
