Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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