His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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