One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
