its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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