So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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