So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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