hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
