im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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