Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Randomize
