You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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