Who did Billy Mays play for?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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