see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
