Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
