Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
