the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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