i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
