what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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