So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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