I think I won the penis lottery.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
