can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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