$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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