He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
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I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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