I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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