a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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