last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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