i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
