A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
