matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
