i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the day after is always just damage control
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
