I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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