I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
