I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
