I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
