I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
