White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
