the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
