I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
