So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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