I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
