omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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