sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
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He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Bring me that man meat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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