Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
