The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
