TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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