Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
