Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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