At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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