Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
