All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
