I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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