did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize