So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
