sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
