i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
