Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
