She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize